I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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