Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
