Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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