It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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