I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
