Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
