please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
