I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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