i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
