My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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