i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want nice things and good sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
