Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
