Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
