hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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