I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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