Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
