franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
