you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize