so that wasnt chicken after all
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
