it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
