are you so shy because you have an std?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
