dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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