I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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