awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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