I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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