i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
