he shaved USA in his pubs
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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