He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He felt like a one man threesome
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
