I wanna bring you to show and tell
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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