i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize