she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
