my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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