the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
