you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
