The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
