I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
