Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
