I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
