some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
