I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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