When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
