genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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