I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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