Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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