I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Randomize
