we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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