I smell stomach acid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
