Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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