hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
