He had one of those small greek statue penises
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
