is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
