Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
