i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize