Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
