i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
