i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was born a porn star she said
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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