There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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