You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
