if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
