I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
