Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize