Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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