Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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